Worst Auto Tune Offenders
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The auto industry has its share of bad names, and we’re not talking bad car names. No, these are bad industry names: drivetrains, technologies or trim-naming schemes that leave car shoppers scratching their heads, rolling their eyes or just plain laughing. Our editors racked their heads for the choicest bungles, and here are our top 10. Some are marketing missteps; others are engineer speak that marketers should have rescued.
Read on.
The Worst Auto-Industry Name
Four-Door Coupe
Look up “coupe” in any leading dictionary, and you’ll read about an enclosed two-door car. Common vernacular agrees, despite the industry’s attempts to prove otherwise. Automakers from BMW (6 Series Gran Coupe) and Mercedes-Benz (CLS-Class, CLA-Class) to Acura (ZDX) and Volkswagen (CC) claim their coupes have sprung an extra two entryways without becoming sedans. Audi lowered the bar further with the A7/S7/RS7, which it calls a “five-door coupe” — a reference to the car’s rear hatch that mirrors a slew of econoboxes that are marketed under the anything-but-hatchback “five-door.” We digress. Four-door coupes are nothing of the sort. These are sedans or hatchbacks, depending where their trunks hinge. They may be svelte, and they may have coupelike rooflines. But they are not coupes.
And Nearly As Bad
BMW i3 Trim Levels
Maybe this is a preemptive call out in hopes that BMW will hard-a-starboard before hitting the iceberg. In July, the automaker debuted its new i3 electric hatchback chock-full of innovative materials and an available gasoline range extender. But when the car goes on sale in early 2014, it will come in three lifestyle-oriented trims that parallel numerical prefixes: Mega, Giga and Tera. (You know: megabyte, gigabyte, terabyte.) Mega will be the base model, but it’s still unclear what each of those trims will include. And will we see Peta down the road? It’s especially bizarre coming from BMW, whose popular 3 Series comes in normal packages like Luxury, Sport and M Sport. Tech geeks might appreciate the i3 trims, but we wish BMW had stuck to the names it uses elsewhere.
CarWings
Nissan introduced CarWings overseas in early 2007 as an internet-enabled system through which you could analyze your driving efficiency (or lack thereof) online. Since then it’s spread to other Nissan models, most notably the electric Leaf, where CarWings allows you to check your battery status, start or stop the charging or fire up the climate control via smartphone. Cool, right? Yeah — except for the name, which evokes wings, flight and all things airborne. Problem is, the Leaf, like all other cars except Terrafugia’s Transition, does not fly. The Ford Focus Electric and Chevrolet Volt have MyFord and OnStar RemoteLink apps, respectively, which offer similar functions. Either naming scheme would have been better.
Chrysler’s Trim Levels
Chrysler used to have a pretty standard alphabet soup of trim names: SE, SXT, R/T and the like. Then in 2010, the automaker ditched most of those on its Dodge brand for bizarre monikers like Express, Heat, Mainstreet, Rush and Uptown. Those were for the Caliber hatchback alone, by the way. The Nitro SUV had range-topping absurdities like Detonator and Shock — the latter a harbinger, perhaps, to owners’ first-time reactions to the SUV’s 16 mpg EPA city rating. Thankfully the madness was short-lived. That’s a good thing, but the spirit lives on with Chrysler’s Fiat parent, whose 500 and 500L have trims like Lounge and Trekking. Alas, the latter does not come with a “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” DVD. Sigh.
Earth Dreams
Honda’s bid to improve gas mileage with a slate of drivetrain technology — spokesman Chris Martin calls it “a philosophy of technology development” — includes direct-injection engines, cylinder deactivation and upgraded transmissions. We applaud the results but not the name. Oh, Earth Dreams. Phew. We feared Honda might have a case of Saturn or Mercury dreams. Our friends at GM and Ford tell us those can mean many years of therapy.
SkyActiv
Mazda’s fuel-efficiency initiative has led to higher — and sometimes class-leading — mileage for the CX-5, Mazda3 and Mazda6. Unfortunately, the name grates like a song that stops before the final note. Call us fussbudgets, but the missing “e” at the end is almost as irritating as the term itself, which suggests Delta and Dannon teamed up for in-flight yogurt. Indeed, Mazda’s chief marketing officer, Russell Wager, admitted to Forbes magazine that SkyActiv is “not easy to understand” and only becomes apparent after you see all the efficiency measures. It’s time to change the name, Mazda. EfficientDynamics (BMW) and EcoBoost (Ford) don’t exactly roll off the tongue, but at least they leave little to the imagination.
Minor Offenders
Audi’s ‘T’ Designations
Long a designation for turbocharging, Audi’s “T” graced cars such as the four-cylinder A4 (1.8T, 2.0T), A5 (2.0T) and Q5 (2.0T). Today, it’s affixed to the mighty twin-turbo V-8s in the S6, A8 and S8. But somewhere in between, Audi ascribed T to the supercharged V-6 in the S4, A6 and A8. In trunk or fender badging, where it’s either 3.0T or V6T, the T stands for “supercharged.” And that makes about as much sense as New Coke.
Blue Everything
Focus groups must love blue. Everyone uses it. BlueEfficiency (Mercedes-Benz) and Blue Drive (Hyundai) are fuel-efficiency initiatives; Bluetec (Mercedes again) and BluePerformance (BMW) refer to diesel. And the industry widely uses AdBlue, a solution of urea fluid that treats emissions in most of those diesel cars. (We’re pretty sure the focus groups didn’t like “urea.”) Heck, even for the efficiency programs that don’t say blue, the color shows up. Nissan’s mileage-minded Pure Drive badging is blue; so is Mazda’s SkyActiv badging on certain Mazda3s, with matching blue across the engine cover. It goes beyond drivetrains: Bluetooth has been around since 1998, and in 2011 Hyundai introduced Blue Link, a telematics system to rival GM’s OnStar. You get the idea. It’s time to diversify, industry. You’re making us blue.
Sports Activity Vehicle
BMW’s insistence on calling its SUVs by a separate term — sports activity vehicles or SAV — is like a company that refers to itself as a “solutions provider” instead of whatever the hell it actually does. BMW introduced the term more than a decade ago with the 2000 X5SUV SAV, defending the acronym on grounds that the X5 delivered BMW dynamics with four-wheel drive — and besides, its car-based platform prioritized on-road drivability, so you could leave the off-roading to legitimate, truck-based SUVs. The industry eventually came up with its own word for that: “crossovers,” or the insipid CUV (crossover utility vehicle), a term that exactly zero consumers use. Car-based or truck-based, people in the real world call them SUVs. BMW should, too.
Worst Auto Tune Offenders List
WHIPS and SIPS
It’s no question Volvo has spurred the auto industry toward better safety technology. In 1999, the Swedish automaker’s Whiplash Protection System elevated rear-impact protection; in 1991 its Side Impact Protection System pioneered better side-impact crashworthiness, eventually spawning the first seat-mounted side airbags in 1994 and side-curtain airbags in 1998. But the systems’ names — WHIPS and SIPS — are guffaw-worthy, especially since the hip-hop community popularized the term “whips” as, well, a hot car. We think it would take a lot of aftermarket blingification to turn an S80 into something T-Pain would sing auto-tune praises about.
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Overall, we’d argue that the 2018 Detroit Auto Show was a success, bringing us a well-rounded package of debuts that catered to just about every automotive taste out there. We saw slick hot hatchbacks like the 2019 Hyundai Veloster N, ground-pounding trucks like the 2019 Ram 1500, and tire-shredding muscle machines like the 2019 Ford Mustang Bullitt, not to mention a few attractive concepts as well. You can read our full list of Best In Show entries here, but as you might expect, not all the debuts were winners this year. Some, in fact, were just awful. As such, we’ve compiled the worst offenders right here for your collective shaming and derision, highlighting back markers such as a poorly executed design study, one of the biggest grilles we’ve ever seen, a haughty European snub, and a few other less-than-exciting reveals.
Granted, a few of these gripes aren’t even about the cars themselves, but rather, the way in which the model was presented. Nit picking? Maybe. Or maybe we’re right on target. Tell us which is which in the comments section below, and don’t forget to post your picks for the worst from Detroit!
Continue reading to learn more about our picks for Worst In Show from the 2018 Detroit Auto Show.
Nissan Xmotion Concept
Worst Autotune Offenders In Massachusetts
Kicking off our list of worst from Detroit is this mess of ideas from Nissan dubbed the Xmotion Concept. Nissan says it’s pronounced “cross motion” (instant point deduction there) and that it’s meant to combine “Japanese culture and traditional craftsmanship with American-style utility,” plus a dab of new technology features as well. It’s an interesting proposal, but in the end, the execution has our heads spinning (and not in the good way).
Here’s our problem with the Xmotion Concept – it tries to do way too many things at once, and in the end, it accomplishes nothing. The interior in particular is a good example of this. The colors are all over the place, and the seats look like wicker furniture from the year 3030. Then you’ve got this enormous wooden center divider that looks like someone’s using the concept to haul lumber, plus a wood dash that looks like it wasn’t completed on time. Of course, the raw aesthetic can work from time to time, but here, it just looks unfinished. Then there’s the swimming fishes in the screens (so now it’s a koi pond?), the silly square steering wheel, and oh yeah, it’s also autonomous or something.
The exterior is a bit better, but even so, we don’t really know what’s going on. At first glance, it looks like an off-roader thanks to the proportions and big tires, but then you’ve got the carbon fiber bits and lowered stance, adding to the confusion with sporty cues. There’s also a retractable roof box up top, which, I dunno, does something.
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All in all, the Xmotion Concept has the focus of a cake-fueled ADHD 8 year-old at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Settle down, Nissan.
Read the full story here.
The Grille On The 2019 Toyota Avalon
If you were anywhere near the Cobo Center in Detroit over the last few days, you’d be hard pressed to miss this. Say hello to one of the biggest grilles we’ve ever seen, plus a bit of 2019 Toyota Avalon bolted around it. Toyota first got into this “bigger is better” attitude about seven years ago with the Lexus Spindle Grille, and now, the design cue is making its way to the rest of the automaker’s stable.
And for all you Toyota fan boys out there, please note that when we put the new Avalon on this list, we’re specifically referencing its ginormous grille. The rest of the car is fine – it’s got some cool techy bits, a handsome interior, and it promises some great value for the money. That is, if you can walk by the front end without having everything on your person sucked into another dimension through the gaping maw plastered across the bumper. Seriously, we’re pretty sure this sedan needs a few extra horsepower to overcome the added gravitational force created by that grille.
Read the full story here.
2019 Lamborghini Urus At MOCAD
Lamborghini initially unveiled it’s first entry in the SUV segment last month, and when we got eyes on it, we were impressed. And who wouldn’t be? It looks great, just like a modern Lambo should, and best of all, it’s got the oily bits to match the aggressive exterior. Under the hood is a twin-turbo 4.0-liter V-8 making as much as 650 horsepower and 627 pound-feet of torque, good enough for a run to 60 mph in about 3.5 seconds. It’ll also reach a top speed of 186 mph. All good, right? Right. However, the Urus’ North American debut simply reeked of pretentiousness, as I’ll now explain.
Rather than parking the SUV on a stage at the Cobo Center like every other automaker, Lambo decided to drop the Urus 3 miles away at the Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit (MOCAD). Look, Lambo, we like the design you got going for the Urus, and we’d maybe even consider adding it as a wallpaper for our desktop background, but making the debut in MOCAD? Really? Please excuse the eye rolling. We’d much prefer it if you just brought it to the auto show directly, rather than pulling the sheets at a museum like it was some incredible new sculpture. This isn’t a breakthrough piece of social commentary. It’s an SUV.
Read our full review of the 2019 Lamborghini Urus.
2019 Volkswagen Jetta
Before you VW fan boys start ripping into us, I’ll just start by mentioning that there are a few things we like about the Jetta. The interior, for example, looks pretty okay, and we like the fact the model is getting a little less expensive this time around. However, the rest of it is very much the “same bratwurst, different length” approach we’ve seen across the Volkswagen Auto Group stable.
So, what’s the story here? Is VW just gonna do the same exterior design forever? It would certainly seem that way if you compared the “new” Jetta with the rest of the automaker’s lineup. Seriously, you could slap a four-ring badge on this thing and no one would be the wiser. Or, as our man Ciprian Florea *** https://www.topspeed.com/authors/71636/ *** says, “Compact VW with an Audi rear end and BMW-inspired beltline? No thank you, I’ll have a Caesar salad instead.” You madman!
Read our full review of the 2019 Volkswagen Jetta.
2019 BMW i8 Coupe
Look, we know we put the i8 on our list of “Five Cars From BMW, Volkswagen, And Mercedes You Won’t Want To Miss In Detroit” , and if you’ve never actually seen this spaceship in person, that still holds true. However, we’re more than a little annoyed BMW keeps bringing the i8 to car shows and acting like it’s seen a bunch of improvements in the past 3 or 4 years. It hasn’t. Basically, this is the same i8 that dropped in 2014, and while the hybrid powertrain and carbon fiber construction and sci-fi styling are still pretty cool, we’ve been anxiously awaiting an actual update for the thing. And no, that doesn’t include a special limited edition color, or new wheel design, or 3 extra all-electric miles. We’re talking about a brand-new engine tune, fresh styling, and some breakthrough technology. Give us that, then bring it to an auto show, ’mmkay?
“Almost no upgrades at all,” says Ciprian. “BMW has been trolling us with ’new’ and ’special’ i8s throughout 2017 as well. It has to stop!”
Agreed.
Read our full review of the 2019 BMW i8 Coupe.